I’ve written and deleted four versions of this post already, so I’m really hoping this one takes. I just can’t seem to find the right words for how I’ve been feeling since I went home to visit my family for my lil’ sister’s wedding last week. A lot of amazing things happened during that time (not all family-related), but the thing that has stuck with me the most was the time I got to spend with my grandfather (aka “Papa”). I saw him briefly after Botchie (aka “My Amazingly Awesome Grandmother :)) passed away suddenly last year, but it was extremely hard for me to see him without her. I wasn’t conscious of it at that time, but I realize now that I purposely procrastinated seeing him because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it as well as I felt he deserved me to. Shameful, I know, so I promised myself when I saw him at the wedding I’d spend as much time with him as I could to make up for my temporary cowardice.
At first it did seem much easier seeing him under these circumstances. Everyone was bustling about with wedding preparations, and it helped immensely that we were in Cincinnati instead of Charleston. (Chucktown feels too much like “home” to me, and it breaks my heart over and over again to know that Botchie’s not at home anymore. :() But the more I sat and talked with him, the more I could see how very lost and sad he is without her. All he wanted to do was reminisce about their romance and lives together, which started when he was just 19 (he’s 88 now). I could tell he just wanted her back “home” with him so badly, and even though it made no logical sense, all I could feel was helpless because I’m not able to give that to him. I think I did a good job of keeping up smiley appearances for his sake, but every day when I got back to my hotel room I’d start bawling to myself. I try to be zen about things as much as I can, but sometimes I just cannot stop the pain from welling up so strongly that all I can do is sob uncontrollably and cry out, “WHY?????” (I clearly have a long way to go towards enlightenment. ;))
I absolutely refuse to let my despair get the best of me for long, though, so I made sure to enjoy the hell out of every single second I got to spend with my family while I had the opportunity. And it was absolutely wonderful. xoxoxo There’s no way I can accurately convey to you just how magical that time at home felt. (As I said, this is my fifth attempt at posting about it.) Nothing I write seems powerful enough to accurately do it justice. At this point I’m resolved to post whatever generic drivel happens to spew out so I can move forward to the next adventure, rather than dwelling in these beautiful, yet bittersweet, moments. I think I’m just going to cheat a lil’ and let Lester Burnham (whom I used to have a HUGE crush on, btw :)) explain what I’m feeling right now:
Gratitude. That’s all I really know to say. For every good, bad, or otherwise moment I’ve ever had with my family, I am grateful. I hope (Blue Lantern style ;)) that we are fortunate enough to be blessed with many more happy adventures together. No matter what, though, I am exceedingly grateful for every bit of time I’ve had with them up to this point, and I will sincerely treasure every single second I am fortunate enough to spend with them from now on. (I’ll just try to stop getting all emo online about it… ;)) I leave you with these happy family pics (which are completely boring to you guys, no doubt, but since they mean an awful lot to me, to “Posted Land'” they go ;)), and the promise to get back to my geeky, not-quite-so-thinky postings ASAP.
My awesomely fun dad and beautiful sisters. <3
All of us dancing together during the “Father/Daughter” dance.
Dancing with Papa. <3 <3
The extremely sweet, loving, and happy couple. <3 <3 <3
Thanks for giving me a place to talk about all this without feeling judged. Love you guys.
Biggest hugs ever,
PS- For my first official step towards geekified normalcy, I present you with this post from the one and only Ms. Lynda Carter’s Official Facebook page:
The pic she chose was unfortunate (and the FB comments aren’t all that nice, of course ;)), but I am super happy to report that this latest meeting with her went sooooooo much much better than my original NYC trip. I was scared as heck to go to her show, but wanted to support her, regardless. I thought maybe if I didn’t get too fancied up (read: pornified ;)) she wouldn’t recognize me, so I dressed super casually and inconspicuously. (Or so I thought…I guess this getup still doesn’t qualify as “normal”. :)) I almost bolted right after her performance, but fortunately I was with some friends who REALLY wanted to get pics with her, so I stuck it out with them to see what would happen. I swear I wasn’t even going to mention anything to her about the “We Can Be Heroes” campaign or who I was; I just wanted the chance to be a random, anonymous fangirl. However, the REAL Ms. Prince recognized me right away. She smiled and called me over to chat and meet her friends/family. She was sooooooooooooooo amazingly nice this time, and I love that I got this second chance to speak with her. She could never do anything to stop being Wonder Woman in my eyes, but this meeting made me an even bigger fan of the actual real-life woman behind our beloved Wondy. (Just another thing to be grateful for…That, and Instagram filters when you don’t have much makeup on. ;)) xoxo
PPS- I am really behind in replying to comments, and for that I sincerely apologize. It’s on my To-Do list for this weekend to get caught up as much as I can, and I thank you for continuing to stop by and say hi, even though I haven’t been able to reply as immediately as I would have liked. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo