I’m taking a page from the deep, artistic genius we commonly refer to as Shia LaBeouf and announcing to anyone and everyone that #IAMSORRY…Sincerely.
It would seem my lack of organizational skills has gotten the best of me, and I’ve inadvertently screwed over some of you that participated in my Holiday Heroes and/or Valentine’s Day extravaganzas. I am honestly, truly sorry if you donated a gift at Christmas and I haven’t sent you anything yet. I don’t want to make excuses, but I do feel like I should at least explain why things went a lil’ bonkers with that.
The truth is that when my son got hospitalized on Christmas Eve it kinda set everything outta wack, and I never really got caught back up. I sincerely had everyone’s stuff ready to be emailed on Christmas Day (a happy Christmas surprise, I thought :(), but he was severely injured for quite some time and I didn’t get much of any shizzle done whilst he was recovering. A few weeks later when all was well again I tried to get caught up the best I could, but my switch from Gmail to GoDaddy was a learning process. (Seriously…you don’t even wanna know how many times I fucked stuff up in my GD acct. #embarrassing) Anyhoo, at this point I feel like I’ve got it all figured out (#finally #huzzah), but all the stuff I tried to save/file/fwd/whatever back when I first started that email (around Christmastime #brilliant) is a total mess and I am never going to be sure I’ve retrieved it all. As a matter of fact, some of you have been kind enough to let me know that I dropped the ball in regard to sending your rewards, and I’m honestly grateful for that (even though some of you could’ve been a tick nicer about it… #justsayin). I really, really had good intentions with this, though, and I absolutely want to let all the #Heroes out there know how much I appreciated their holiday generosity. So, if I accidentally left you out of the reward mailings, please, please let me know and #forgiveme for #fuckingup. If you are so kind as to help me correct my accidental oversights, I will absolutely send your reward out AS SOON AS I GET YOUR EMAIL, and if you wanna include your old timey mailing address I’ll be happy to send you a lil’ something extra to say thanks for being so patient with me. #MakingPeace
This really wasn’t a very well thought out plan; I just wanted to try to bring as much holiday happiness to people as I could. It sincerely bugs the living crap outta me that some of you may mistakenly think I didn’t care enough to keep my word. I’m honestly just a chaotically disorganized #dumbass, but I truly do appreciate all the donations you guys made. I plan to do the same thing this Christmas…I’m just going to open up a separate email acct. solely for Holiday Heroes to keep the awesome “helping out the kids” folks separated from the “hey gurl, yuz like mah dik?” folks. (Not that they aren’t awesome, too, of course. They just require very different mindsets, is all… ;))
The same thing kinda goes for the Vday stuff, too. I wasn’t expecting so many folks to request ‘em, and it kinda got overwhelming. (It’s insanely awesome that you guys did, though…It was super fun for me to mail them all out, elementary school style!! :)) I still hadn’t completely figured out the ways of GoDaddy at that point, though (#suckit #imslow), so I was trying to keep track of everything just on my phone. Which, lemme tell ya, was not all that easy for a spazzazoid like me. I sent out about 150 Valentine cards in a day and a half, but I still ended up skipping some folks. (Again, #IAMSOSORRY. :() I think all the Valentine stuff has been handled at this point, but just in case there’s anyone out there who is just too shy/polite to lmk I screwed up, please go ahead and do so because I sincerely want to get a card out to everyone who wanted one. (Again, next year, Valentine deets are going to a separate, easier to locate email. #LessonOhSoLearned)
To summarize, if you’ve asked me for ANYTHING (be it old school wishlist stuff, or during either of the holiday #extravaganzas) and I haven’t made good with it, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE remind me and I solemnly promise on a stack of my all-time favorite graphic novels that I will take care of it all IMMEDIATELY!! (Well, by immediately I mean as soon as I read your email…Just to #clarify. :)) It would be super helpful if you put something in the subject line like, “You Owe Me Bitch” so I know to give your email priority, btw. (That really helped with the Valentine stuff…I think the people who were accidentally skipped over were the ones trying to be nice and not put “Valentines, Bitch” as the subject. Just so you know, in this one instance it’s totally a bonus to NOT be nice…Every once in a while you just gotta let a bitch know she #fuckedup, y’know? :))
Anyhoo, this last bit is going to feel way inappropriate after all that (#IAMSORRYBITCH ;)), but my buddies over at #CouplesCorner (a super classy adult-type store :)) just posted an interview with me, and I promised I’d post the link here so you guys can check it out if you’d like:
PLEASE NOTE: There is a wishlist included there, but only because they really, really wanted me to make one (and it didn’t seem like donating stuff to kids was going to be appropriate in this case… ;)). I absolutely do not expect anything from anyone (I have enough thank yous left to send out, thank you ;)). I’m really just using it as my own personal list of…ahem…”supplies” I plan to order at some point in the future. (I’d almost forgotten how fun that stuff can be when you aren’t just looking at it solely from a work POV. #PornStarProblems ;)) So, feel free to absolutely ignore it, or peruse it just so you can picture me having fun with all the goodies, if you’d like…whatever #floatsyourboat. :))
Big, sincere hugs of apology,
#TheWorstHoldayHelperEver #StillSorry #MoreHugs